Kandiyohi County’s Hottest Roster: The Jailbirds You Don’t Want to Mess With

The Kandiyohi County Jail has its fair share of colorful characters, but there are a few inmates that stand out from the rest. These are the ones that have earned themselves a reputation as the jailbirds you don’t want to mess with. From their criminal backgrounds to their intimidating appearances, these inmates are the ones that keep other inmates on their toes. Here are some of the most notorious inmates at the Kandiyohi County Jail.

Meet the Jailbirds

  • The Enforcer

Name: Tommy ‘The Enforcer’ Johnson

Offense: Assault with a deadly weapon

Tommy is a towering figure, standing at 6’5″ and weighing over 250 pounds. He was arrested for assaulting a man with a baseball bat and has been in and out of jail ever since. He has a reputation for being a tough guy and is not to be messed with. Tommy doesn’t say much, but his presence alone is enough to intimidate other inmates.

  • The Mastermind

Name: Samantha ‘The Mastermind’ Lee

Offense: Embezzlement

Samantha is not your typical jailbird. She doesn’t look intimidating, but she’s the brains behind a massive embezzlement scheme that landed her in jail. Her fellow inmates know not to mess with her, as she’s not afraid to use her intelligence to manipulate others to get what she wants.

  • The Brawler

Name: David ‘The Brawler’ Nelson

Offense: Aggravated assault

David is a short and stocky guy with a bad temper. He got into a fight at a bar and ended up seriously injuring another patron. He’s been in and out of jail for most of his adult life, and his reputation precedes him. Inmates know not to cross him because he’s not afraid to throw a punch.

  • The Dealer

Name: Juan ‘The Dealer’ Hernandez

See also  Nest Thermostat feeling fashionably late for the heat party

Offense: Drug trafficking

Juan is a smooth-talking guy with a charming smile, but he’s a drug kingpin on the streets. He was arrested for trafficking large amounts of cocaine and heroin through Kandiyohi County. Inmates know not to mess with him because he has connections on the outside that can make their lives a living hell.

  • The Psychopath

Name: Jacob ‘The Psychopath’ Smith

Offense: Murder

Jacob is a scary guy. He’s been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and has a history of violent outbursts. He was arrested for the murder of his ex-girlfriend and has been in jail ever since. Inmates avoid him at all costs because they never know which personality they’re going to get.

Life Inside the Kandiyohi County Jail

Life inside the Kandiyohi County Jail can be tough, especially if you’re housed with some of the jailbirds mentioned above. Inmates have to be on guard at all times and avoid getting caught up in any of the drama. The jail has a strict set of rules that inmates must follow, and any rule-breaking can result in disciplinary action or even more jail time.

The Rules: Do’s and Don’ts

Here are some of the rules all inmates must abide by:

  • Do: Attend all scheduled activities, including job assignments and rehabilitation programs
  • Do: Keep your cell and common areas clean and tidy
  • Do: Respect the authority of the jail staff
  • Don’t: Engage in any form of physical or verbal harassment
  • Don’t: Possess any contraband, including drugs or weapons
  • Don’t: Participate in any form of gambling

Time to Table

Here’s a table outlining the average length of stay for different types of inmates at the Kandiyohi County Jail:

See also  Trash to Treasure: Coultas Recycling Doin' It Danville-Style!
Type of Offense Average Length of Stay
Misdemeanor 90 days
Gross Misdemeanor 180 days
Felony 365 days
Aggravated Felony 730 days

Survival Tips

If you find yourself in the Kandiyohi County Jail, here are a few tips to help you survive:

  • Stay away from the jailbirds: You don’t want to get on the wrong side of any of the inmates mentioned above. They have a reputation for being violent and can make your life a living hell.
  • Follow the rules: Jail staff takes rule-breaking seriously, and disciplinary action can result in additional jail time. Make sure you abide by all the rules to avoid getting into trouble.
  • Stay busy: Participating in job assignments or rehabilitation programs can help pass the time and give you a sense of purpose while you’re in jail.
  • Stay connected: Use your phone privileges to call family and friends regularly. They can provide a much-needed source of emotional support while you’re behind bars.


Life inside the Kandiyohi County Jail can be tough, especially if you’re housed with some of the jailbirds mentioned above. These inmates have earned their reputations and are not to be messed with. If you find yourself behind bars, make sure you follow the rules and stay away from trouble. With a little bit of luck and a lot of perseverance, you can survive your time in jail and come out on the other side a better person.


  • Kandiyohi County Sheriff’s Office. (n.d.). Detention Center. Retrieved from https://www.co.kandiyohi.mn.us/168/Detention-Center
  • Minnesota Judicial Branch. (n.d.). Felony Sentences – Minnesota Sentencing Guidelines Commission. Retrieved from https://mn.gov/sentencing-guidelines/cases/felony-sentences/